JOBSWORTH

I remember the look on a foreign bankers face after he was told that it would take six months to get an appointment with a man from the post office to have a telephone or two installed. This after achieving a license from the Bank of England and a very expensive building in the heart of the City (wherever that may be). It appears that monopolies have been privatised. Well I think EDF is private, or a means to raise money for the French government. Whatever, it takes two months to get a temporary supply installed. And there are a host of rules of distances and huts and depths and ducts and what have you, not to mention the cost of £megabucks plus VAT for what is likely to be about half an hours work.

Asbestos removal is certainly in the private sector. Unsurprisingly, there is more demand than supply. I eventually managed to get a quote after much nagging from a relatively local company. On Saturday two fellows turned up from Hornchurch with masks and overalls, and deposited the lot in a very smart skip with doors, which appeared to come from a quarry in Pinner. I had hoped that most of the large amount of money that I am paying for this service would go to the operators. No such luck. They seem to be priced by supply and demand in the labour market. Most of my money seems to have gone down a big hole in Middlesex.

An expensive couple of weeks but steady progress. Only timber remains. Fire will do the rest. The lone and level shingle stretches far away.

Behold the sea again ... a routine seems to have broken out - singing in the qua on Mondays and driving down to Winkelsea on Tuesday morning.

Having set up a workshop in half my mother's double car port, I find that a family of swallows is already in possession. However the birds are unmoved by my circular saw and we are cohabiting successfully so far. The Belted Galloways in the field have calved.

Thankfully, Bother District Council has approved Steel Neil's foundation design. This is something of a relief. It means I can now continue the demolition safe in the knowledge that a new building on the site is possible. 5/8s of the asbestos cement boarding is now removed with the protection of my PP3 mask (don't you just love the health and safety jargon). My new shed is mostly constructed from down-cycled parts of the original building including the corrugated roof. Keith is arranging the temporary power next week - I think.

"Down-cycling" is a new green word that I absorbed at a conference recently. I am immensely proud of it.

IN THE BALANCE

Behold a voice crying in the Winklesea - make straight in the desert a highway for my building control application.

All 100 pages have been sent off in duplicate - half of which are from Steel Neil. Hopefully it will be weighed in the balance and found heavy enough.

Bexhill may be the pit for the arts, but it's where the officer resides, and I am in his lap - along with this blog. To be booed off at Bexhill is the ultimate shame - I am told.

FAILED ALREADY

The issue of using the existing foundations for my new building is being questioned by Bother District Council. I am having sleepless nights worrying, whereas this scheme is supposed to be fun. There’s only one thing for it. Call in the heavy guns. That means Steel Neil – the structural engineer.

A happy day was spent exposing foundations etc. Neil seems understanding of my objectives – in theory - but is going away to think about it. He will look into the soil mechanics of shingle and talk to Bother DC on my behalf.

So I have failed already. I can no longer say that I designed this building all by myself. But defeat is the better admitted.

MOVIN OUT

The road is dreadful at the moment – full of iced pot holes. The smart lady with knee-high leather boots arrived from Bournes in a red mini. A lesser woman might have given up. Bournes – what a good name for a removal company. I imagine that, when Edith Swan-Neck moved in with Harold, she gave Mr Bourne a tinkle. But things never last. After the Norman invasion, the Bournes were set up for life. All our stuff has been calculated and is ready to go.

HOW MUCH?

Followers of the Grand Designs programme will know that all schemes are over budget and late, but it's worth it in the name of art, or even worse, getting what you want. So I had better stick my figures to the mast. The budget is £**,*** (Suki has removed this information) and the finishing date is - well probably never - but I hope we will be comfortably inside for summer 2011. This is a Modest Design.

God is in control. This was clarified by snow after the global warming conference - look on my works ye mighty and despair! It was an angry sea today, cold wet and windy, after a beautiful calm and sunny yesterday. The lorries are carrying the shingle back up The Channel and the vast bulldozer is spreading it around - I want that job. I think the weather is going to play a bigger part in my scheme than I anticipated.

Suki will be coming down tomorrow to decide which books to part from forever. Then I shall be in a position to have all our stuff taken off to store. Yesterday I was smashing up the concrete around the drains which left me all shook up this morning. An earthquake would be of some assistance at this stage.

WHY ?

1. Because I am fed up with the old bungalow which is made of 2b2, asbestos cement and corrugated iron. The new bungalow will be snug and have sea views.

2. I'm 51 and I need a challenge.

3. I like doing this sort of thing.

4. What else am I going to leave behind me which is permanent (subject to sea level rise)?

5. Tax avoidance (not evasion!).

6. I'm hoping to create asset value (subject to sea level rise).

7. Why blog it? - so that if I fail, I can provide maximum enjoyment to my friends!