SNOW STOP PLAY



Final section of front slab ready for blinding.

I was more than a little amazed, when hacking up the concrete of the old slab, to find a rubber glove under the concrete. Since the concrete was laid in 1925, this means that rubber gloves were available at that time. Or so I thought. However, this week I found a modern water bottle top immediately under the slab, and am at my wits end for an explanation.

If I was American, I would deduce that God had in fact created the world 6 years ago, complete with our family histories, geology, American global supremacy and plastic bottle tops under concrete slabs. Rodents would be more rational.

The weather has hindered progress in the last three weeks. The latest date for completion is not before the child support agency catches up with the angel Gabriel.

FIRST SLAB CONCRETELY COMPLETED

Good progress here ...

Half term internment? Steely help from Felix

Shuttering and reinforcement completed
and approved by Bother District Council

Paul the pump man
He saved the day when the concrete started going off too early

The easy bit

The hard bit

Concrete supplied by William the Concreter of Hastings

7 cubic metres of concrete going off

PUMP PRIMING THE ECONOMY

The Environment Agency has embarked on a wetland habitat in the field between me and the sea. The nation's earthmoving equipment formerly deployed on motorway construction has arrived to create a number of lakes. It's a Marsian invasion. No Tern has been left unstoned (as the critic opined). Very nice too, and even before the machinery has moved on the birds seem to have moved in.

Suspicion only arises when you discover that all the soil being removed is being dumped in a hole which was made five years ago to get the material for the new sea defences. So all the dirt taken from the harbour two miles in our direction is being taken back again. It's obviously a colossal blunder and the wetland scheme is a cover-up. The footnote from the Environment Agency says that the lakes will not increase the risk of flooding. Help! The Agency's flood prediction record is 80% incorrect. And why are they filling up that hole again? Confidence is running low.

Or perhaps, when there was a run on the banks and the whole economy appeared in freefall, the message went out high and low - dig holes - and many of them - and then fill them up again. Its all for the birds. Don't worry about the money - we'll just print it.

It's great fun to watch, especially when a truck sinks into the bog. But I must be humble - not all schemes go to plan, and I have only a shovel.

LET THE DRAIN TAKE THE STRAIN

There is an element of fun in every job that must be done - including drains. Moreover, my grandfather was big in drains. His father had a ginger beer bottle business by the Thames. They diversified into clay pipes and were taken over by Doulton who forced them into bankruptcy. Somehow my grandfather and his brother ended up running an agency to sell spun concrete pipes made by Ellis Brothers. He patented a method of joining the pipes in freezing conditions and believed his fortune was made. That was in 1939. He spent the next 6 years travelling the country sorting out drainage issues for the MOD. Then he sold out to Redland and retired. He had a number of other business ventures and was quite a wealthy man when he died, but somewhere along the line all the money disappeared. It's not only money that goes down the drain. The reason that drains are laid to 1:40 is because this is the gradient that liquids and solids travel at the same speed thereby assisting each other's progress. Life was preferable before I knew this, but now I know it. And so do you.

DEMOLITION PICTURES

Phase one - demolition now complete - and this is what it looked like.

corrugated iron roof removed

down-cycling of shed

steady progress

how I spent the summer holidays

timber frame removed

front interior removed

front comes down

on site with the lippy ones

Shed completed

foundation work commenced

ENTER FRED STAGE LEFT ARMED WITH A SHOVEL

I feel like a builder. I have finished demolition, it's taken too long, it's been hard work, I have a cold - probably due to dust and depression. The majority thinking I am mad is weighing in the balance. A holiday is due. Happily we are off to British Columbia for three weeks to forget about everything.

On the up side, Fred has come to help. He is young and strong. We had fun making concrete from shingle which we washed in a barrow and mixed with sand, ballast and cement. We laid 32 concrete blocks on Friday morning, which did me in; but Fred cycled home 58 miles in the afternoon. I struggled to keep awake on the motorway content that we now have a meter kiosk for the temporary electricity supply (minus the roof).

Last week we burned all the old timber which took all day - a theraputic baptism of fire, but not very green.

JOBSWORTH

I remember the look on a foreign bankers face after he was told that it would take six months to get an appointment with a man from the post office to have a telephone or two installed. This after achieving a license from the Bank of England and a very expensive building in the heart of the City (wherever that may be). It appears that monopolies have been privatised. Well I think EDF is private, or a means to raise money for the French government. Whatever, it takes two months to get a temporary supply installed. And there are a host of rules of distances and huts and depths and ducts and what have you, not to mention the cost of £megabucks plus VAT for what is likely to be about half an hours work.

Asbestos removal is certainly in the private sector. Unsurprisingly, there is more demand than supply. I eventually managed to get a quote after much nagging from a relatively local company. On Saturday two fellows turned up from Hornchurch with masks and overalls, and deposited the lot in a very smart skip with doors, which appeared to come from a quarry in Pinner. I had hoped that most of the large amount of money that I am paying for this service would go to the operators. No such luck. They seem to be priced by supply and demand in the labour market. Most of my money seems to have gone down a big hole in Middlesex.

An expensive couple of weeks but steady progress. Only timber remains. Fire will do the rest. The lone and level shingle stretches far away.

Behold the sea again ... a routine seems to have broken out - singing in the qua on Mondays and driving down to Winkelsea on Tuesday morning.

Having set up a workshop in half my mother's double car port, I find that a family of swallows is already in possession. However the birds are unmoved by my circular saw and we are cohabiting successfully so far. The Belted Galloways in the field have calved.

Thankfully, Bother District Council has approved Steel Neil's foundation design. This is something of a relief. It means I can now continue the demolition safe in the knowledge that a new building on the site is possible. 5/8s of the asbestos cement boarding is now removed with the protection of my PP3 mask (don't you just love the health and safety jargon). My new shed is mostly constructed from down-cycled parts of the original building including the corrugated roof. Keith is arranging the temporary power next week - I think.

"Down-cycling" is a new green word that I absorbed at a conference recently. I am immensely proud of it.

IN THE BALANCE

Behold a voice crying in the Winklesea - make straight in the desert a highway for my building control application.

All 100 pages have been sent off in duplicate - half of which are from Steel Neil. Hopefully it will be weighed in the balance and found heavy enough.

Bexhill may be the pit for the arts, but it's where the officer resides, and I am in his lap - along with this blog. To be booed off at Bexhill is the ultimate shame - I am told.

FAILED ALREADY

The issue of using the existing foundations for my new building is being questioned by Bother District Council. I am having sleepless nights worrying, whereas this scheme is supposed to be fun. There’s only one thing for it. Call in the heavy guns. That means Steel Neil – the structural engineer.

A happy day was spent exposing foundations etc. Neil seems understanding of my objectives – in theory - but is going away to think about it. He will look into the soil mechanics of shingle and talk to Bother DC on my behalf.

So I have failed already. I can no longer say that I designed this building all by myself. But defeat is the better admitted.

MOVIN OUT

The road is dreadful at the moment – full of iced pot holes. The smart lady with knee-high leather boots arrived from Bournes in a red mini. A lesser woman might have given up. Bournes – what a good name for a removal company. I imagine that, when Edith Swan-Neck moved in with Harold, she gave Mr Bourne a tinkle. But things never last. After the Norman invasion, the Bournes were set up for life. All our stuff has been calculated and is ready to go.

HOW MUCH?

Followers of the Grand Designs programme will know that all schemes are over budget and late, but it's worth it in the name of art, or even worse, getting what you want. So I had better stick my figures to the mast. The budget is £**,*** (Suki has removed this information) and the finishing date is - well probably never - but I hope we will be comfortably inside for summer 2011. This is a Modest Design.

God is in control. This was clarified by snow after the global warming conference - look on my works ye mighty and despair! It was an angry sea today, cold wet and windy, after a beautiful calm and sunny yesterday. The lorries are carrying the shingle back up The Channel and the vast bulldozer is spreading it around - I want that job. I think the weather is going to play a bigger part in my scheme than I anticipated.

Suki will be coming down tomorrow to decide which books to part from forever. Then I shall be in a position to have all our stuff taken off to store. Yesterday I was smashing up the concrete around the drains which left me all shook up this morning. An earthquake would be of some assistance at this stage.

WHY ?

1. Because I am fed up with the old bungalow which is made of 2b2, asbestos cement and corrugated iron. The new bungalow will be snug and have sea views.

2. I'm 51 and I need a challenge.

3. I like doing this sort of thing.

4. What else am I going to leave behind me which is permanent (subject to sea level rise)?

5. Tax avoidance (not evasion!).

6. I'm hoping to create asset value (subject to sea level rise).

7. Why blog it? - so that if I fail, I can provide maximum enjoyment to my friends!